I Will Waste My Life...

As we sat in prayer this morning and afternoon in one of our weekly staff meetings, some reflections came to me, things I've realized but not quite articulated in the past three years as I've served (attempted to serve) in the house of prayer in Chicago.

This place of prayer, this place of being before a living God at the altar of His affections, His righteousness, His light... is a training ground. I was reminded of a Marine Corps. boot camp, a grueling day-in-day-out routine of dedication and discipline and pain... as the weaknesses we've held inside so long come up to the surface. We can either whine, complain and quit as we are overcome by our weaknesses, OR those men (and women) of valor rise above those weaknesses and, while being honest with them, let them fall before a higher cause. 

It is much the same for the watchmen on the wall, interceding in prayer and fasting before God for a city, or the body of Christ, or a nation... The burden often seems very great, and often is, because the Lord disciplines those He loves, and those who have voluntarily chosen to be before Him, to "waste their life" day-in-day-out in the temple, the place of loving Him, they experience that discipline more than most. They also experience the fiery darts of Satan more frequently and more intensely. They are often questioned, morally and practically, asked why they aren't doing something "productive" with their time. They are often ridiculed because they are taking their faith far too seriously, and using this as an excuse not to work or to take responsibility for their life.

There's a song that Misty Edwards sings, a kind of anthem of the International House of Prayer (IHOP), that goes, "I will waste my life. I'll be tested and tried. With no regrets inside of me...just to find I'm at Your feet." This statement embodies the life of those men and women of valor who have dedicated their life to serving the Lord Jesus Christ, in whatever capacity that may be. Whether that is serving overseas as a missionary to India or a nation in Africa, building houses, digging wells and caring for children, or if that means serving as an intercessor for an entire city or nation of people, dedicating their life to learning who Jesus is so that they can love Him more...it is all Good in the eyes of God. It all serves to build His kingdom.

Out of a place of prayer and beholding His beauty, that is where the "fruit" should come from, that many people look for in a Christian's walk.

The place of prayer is a training ground... where you are tested, where your weaknesses are brought to the surface, where a person is forced to make a decision, about whether or not they will "waste their life" before a living God, being obedient to Him and His word, or whether their life still belongs to them, and they feel they have the right to live how they wish to live.

That is simply not the gospel (the good news) of Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. The death and resurrection is symbolic, that we die (the old self is put to death, along with sin and darkness), and are resurrected with Christ (born-again into life and light). 

The prayer room is a training ground of grueling pressing and breaking and testing through fire, but it is also a place of refreshment and receiving revelation from the Lord. There is a balance. God is not a god only of justice, but also of mercy. He knows what we need when we need it. As the apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 3:18, it is by the beholding of the glory of the Lord that we are being transformed into the same image that we behold, from one degree of glory to another degree of glory, by the Spirit of the Lord.

His eyes are always on us, because He cares for us... and as we return His gaze, knowing we are dark, but that He sees us as lovely (Song of Solomon 1:5-6), we are transformed into His likeness, because darkness cannot exist where there is great light. Death cannot exist where there is great life. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. The life that is in Him (Jesus) is the light of men, and this light the darkness has not overcome. (John 1:1-5 and John 14:6)

This is sanctification. It happens as we serve in the place of prayer. It happens more rapidly for those who choose to "waste their lives," throwing their lives away as if they don't matter, because our lives don't matter. It is His life within us that truly matters.

Who wants to be trained by the Lord in the place of prayer? If you think you have what it takes, I challenge you to speak to Him, to come before His altar of refining fire, and be changed by the love that He has for you.
Many are called, but not many are chosen. These really are the few and the proud. What will you do when the flaming arrows start flying? Will you run behind your fort of dirt and wood, or will you run into the strong tower of the Lord God Almighty?

Are you in?

1 Corinthians 9:24-26

Ephesians 5: 13-17

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Back in the Saddle

Well, it looks like the last time I wrote anything in this blog was... 2 years, 2 months, and 9 days ago.

I wrote on gratitude. While I have become a bit rusty in the writing department, I am grateful that I still have more left to write, if I can only find the way to articulate the thoughts floating around in this mind of mine.

Maybe I'll start off small...

The past several months has been a whirlwind of random activities for me. Between moving out of my pastor's house in August, moving into an apartment with a friend, joining a Christian motorcycle club, attempting to fix my Harley-Davidson, working alongside aforementioned pastor on an apartment renovation on the South Side, a somewhat failed relationship attempt, and re-booting my involvement at the Prayer Furnace as a part-time (full-time, if I can gather financial support) missionary, I'm surprised I've had time to really think about anything except the present.

It's become clear to me that over the past three years, God has had His mighty hand over me and guiding me, despite my shortcomings, despite my negative thoughts, despite everything I could do to get in the way, and He has been faithful to provide for me, in everything I needed: financially, relationally, and physically.

Even through a humbling process of stepping back from the stage as a worship musician/singer, I'm re-learning what it means to truly worship the Lord in spirit and in truth, and to regain my composure while running, constantly running, to Jesus as my shield and defender and my refuge, my tower of strength.

The last few months especially, I've been receiving so much encouragement from different people in the Church, my community and others, about the way I play the guitar and sing, and while a part of me certainly wants to take the praise and think highly of myself, it's impossible for me to do so.... because I really don't think very much of my singing or my guitar playing. And I think that was exactly the place that God needed me to come to. I hope He will heal my voice, and heal my arms and fingers so that I can play and sing the way that I feel I used to be able to... but until then, it is humbling and extremely exciting to know that His Spirit is flowing through whatever I am doing, just by continuing to stand.

And I. Am. Still. Standing.

That seems to be the theme of my life so far... that I continue to stand, despite whatever has come against me. Sometimes I have tried by my own strength. I have fought, tooth and nail, at times, and have taken pride in my fighting. I have taken the meaning of my name, Dustin, to heart: "A valiant warrior."
But I realized that even though I fought constantly, I never really won any rounds... It's not been until I've really started to let the Lord take control, to experience my utter dependence on Him, that I've started to feel that I've truly fought and won some of the battles.

I am so grateful that the Lord is teaching me these lessons on humility, and has been rewarding my patience, because now, finally, I am starting to get the opportunities I have waited for in the house of prayer, to be acknowledged as a singer and musician, being asked to be part of regular live sets, as we rebuild a ministry from the ground up, with the Lord's help. We have begun to unite as a community, each person attempting to do their part, with the gifts that God has given them, to arise and work, and rebuild the wall that once served as foundation for the prayer and worship movement in Chicago.

The Prayer Furnace will burn on in Chicago, with the light of God's righteousness, goodness, and love. And the fire on the altar will never go out, until Jesus Christ returns, riding on the clouds.

I know that God will continue to be faithful. Many have said I need to find a "real" job, and I am looking. Many have said I need to find a wife. And I am looking. :)
Many have said I need to encounter Jesus. And I am searching for Him.
I am not listening so much to what people are saying anymore. I am trying to be responsible for my own life, and not the desires that others carry for me, no matter the good intentions they may have.

I would very much like to be able to raise the finances to serve in the Prayer Furnace in an official capacity, to be able to bless others who come and serve, to be able to bless my brothers and sisters, to be able to help fund the ministry, to be able to pay off my debts, my school loans, etc. I know that some of this is my responsibility, to go and seek work, to take opportunities as they come, and I do. I also have work to do in helping rebuild and guard the wall as it's being built. So I will have to choose. And I will need to commit to whatever it is that comes my way, whether that is ministry in the place of prayer, or full-time work to support myself and a future family. Maybe both?

I know this: I have seen enough to know that I can't turn back, and I won't let go of Jesus. I want to know who He is, and I want to know how to love Him.

And I'm grateful that He still loves me, unworthy as I am, and that His love never fails.