I Will Waste My Life...

As we sat in prayer this morning and afternoon in one of our weekly staff meetings, some reflections came to me, things I've realized but not quite articulated in the past three years as I've served (attempted to serve) in the house of prayer in Chicago.

This place of prayer, this place of being before a living God at the altar of His affections, His righteousness, His light... is a training ground. I was reminded of a Marine Corps. boot camp, a grueling day-in-day-out routine of dedication and discipline and pain... as the weaknesses we've held inside so long come up to the surface. We can either whine, complain and quit as we are overcome by our weaknesses, OR those men (and women) of valor rise above those weaknesses and, while being honest with them, let them fall before a higher cause. 

It is much the same for the watchmen on the wall, interceding in prayer and fasting before God for a city, or the body of Christ, or a nation... The burden often seems very great, and often is, because the Lord disciplines those He loves, and those who have voluntarily chosen to be before Him, to "waste their life" day-in-day-out in the temple, the place of loving Him, they experience that discipline more than most. They also experience the fiery darts of Satan more frequently and more intensely. They are often questioned, morally and practically, asked why they aren't doing something "productive" with their time. They are often ridiculed because they are taking their faith far too seriously, and using this as an excuse not to work or to take responsibility for their life.

There's a song that Misty Edwards sings, a kind of anthem of the International House of Prayer (IHOP), that goes, "I will waste my life. I'll be tested and tried. With no regrets inside of me...just to find I'm at Your feet." This statement embodies the life of those men and women of valor who have dedicated their life to serving the Lord Jesus Christ, in whatever capacity that may be. Whether that is serving overseas as a missionary to India or a nation in Africa, building houses, digging wells and caring for children, or if that means serving as an intercessor for an entire city or nation of people, dedicating their life to learning who Jesus is so that they can love Him more...it is all Good in the eyes of God. It all serves to build His kingdom.

Out of a place of prayer and beholding His beauty, that is where the "fruit" should come from, that many people look for in a Christian's walk.

The place of prayer is a training ground... where you are tested, where your weaknesses are brought to the surface, where a person is forced to make a decision, about whether or not they will "waste their life" before a living God, being obedient to Him and His word, or whether their life still belongs to them, and they feel they have the right to live how they wish to live.

That is simply not the gospel (the good news) of Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. The death and resurrection is symbolic, that we die (the old self is put to death, along with sin and darkness), and are resurrected with Christ (born-again into life and light). 

The prayer room is a training ground of grueling pressing and breaking and testing through fire, but it is also a place of refreshment and receiving revelation from the Lord. There is a balance. God is not a god only of justice, but also of mercy. He knows what we need when we need it. As the apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 3:18, it is by the beholding of the glory of the Lord that we are being transformed into the same image that we behold, from one degree of glory to another degree of glory, by the Spirit of the Lord.

His eyes are always on us, because He cares for us... and as we return His gaze, knowing we are dark, but that He sees us as lovely (Song of Solomon 1:5-6), we are transformed into His likeness, because darkness cannot exist where there is great light. Death cannot exist where there is great life. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. The life that is in Him (Jesus) is the light of men, and this light the darkness has not overcome. (John 1:1-5 and John 14:6)

This is sanctification. It happens as we serve in the place of prayer. It happens more rapidly for those who choose to "waste their lives," throwing their lives away as if they don't matter, because our lives don't matter. It is His life within us that truly matters.

Who wants to be trained by the Lord in the place of prayer? If you think you have what it takes, I challenge you to speak to Him, to come before His altar of refining fire, and be changed by the love that He has for you.
Many are called, but not many are chosen. These really are the few and the proud. What will you do when the flaming arrows start flying? Will you run behind your fort of dirt and wood, or will you run into the strong tower of the Lord God Almighty?

Are you in?

1 Corinthians 9:24-26

Ephesians 5: 13-17

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Back in the Saddle

Well, it looks like the last time I wrote anything in this blog was... 2 years, 2 months, and 9 days ago.

I wrote on gratitude. While I have become a bit rusty in the writing department, I am grateful that I still have more left to write, if I can only find the way to articulate the thoughts floating around in this mind of mine.

Maybe I'll start off small...

The past several months has been a whirlwind of random activities for me. Between moving out of my pastor's house in August, moving into an apartment with a friend, joining a Christian motorcycle club, attempting to fix my Harley-Davidson, working alongside aforementioned pastor on an apartment renovation on the South Side, a somewhat failed relationship attempt, and re-booting my involvement at the Prayer Furnace as a part-time (full-time, if I can gather financial support) missionary, I'm surprised I've had time to really think about anything except the present.

It's become clear to me that over the past three years, God has had His mighty hand over me and guiding me, despite my shortcomings, despite my negative thoughts, despite everything I could do to get in the way, and He has been faithful to provide for me, in everything I needed: financially, relationally, and physically.

Even through a humbling process of stepping back from the stage as a worship musician/singer, I'm re-learning what it means to truly worship the Lord in spirit and in truth, and to regain my composure while running, constantly running, to Jesus as my shield and defender and my refuge, my tower of strength.

The last few months especially, I've been receiving so much encouragement from different people in the Church, my community and others, about the way I play the guitar and sing, and while a part of me certainly wants to take the praise and think highly of myself, it's impossible for me to do so.... because I really don't think very much of my singing or my guitar playing. And I think that was exactly the place that God needed me to come to. I hope He will heal my voice, and heal my arms and fingers so that I can play and sing the way that I feel I used to be able to... but until then, it is humbling and extremely exciting to know that His Spirit is flowing through whatever I am doing, just by continuing to stand.

And I. Am. Still. Standing.

That seems to be the theme of my life so far... that I continue to stand, despite whatever has come against me. Sometimes I have tried by my own strength. I have fought, tooth and nail, at times, and have taken pride in my fighting. I have taken the meaning of my name, Dustin, to heart: "A valiant warrior."
But I realized that even though I fought constantly, I never really won any rounds... It's not been until I've really started to let the Lord take control, to experience my utter dependence on Him, that I've started to feel that I've truly fought and won some of the battles.

I am so grateful that the Lord is teaching me these lessons on humility, and has been rewarding my patience, because now, finally, I am starting to get the opportunities I have waited for in the house of prayer, to be acknowledged as a singer and musician, being asked to be part of regular live sets, as we rebuild a ministry from the ground up, with the Lord's help. We have begun to unite as a community, each person attempting to do their part, with the gifts that God has given them, to arise and work, and rebuild the wall that once served as foundation for the prayer and worship movement in Chicago.

The Prayer Furnace will burn on in Chicago, with the light of God's righteousness, goodness, and love. And the fire on the altar will never go out, until Jesus Christ returns, riding on the clouds.

I know that God will continue to be faithful. Many have said I need to find a "real" job, and I am looking. Many have said I need to find a wife. And I am looking. :)
Many have said I need to encounter Jesus. And I am searching for Him.
I am not listening so much to what people are saying anymore. I am trying to be responsible for my own life, and not the desires that others carry for me, no matter the good intentions they may have.

I would very much like to be able to raise the finances to serve in the Prayer Furnace in an official capacity, to be able to bless others who come and serve, to be able to bless my brothers and sisters, to be able to help fund the ministry, to be able to pay off my debts, my school loans, etc. I know that some of this is my responsibility, to go and seek work, to take opportunities as they come, and I do. I also have work to do in helping rebuild and guard the wall as it's being built. So I will have to choose. And I will need to commit to whatever it is that comes my way, whether that is ministry in the place of prayer, or full-time work to support myself and a future family. Maybe both?

I know this: I have seen enough to know that I can't turn back, and I won't let go of Jesus. I want to know who He is, and I want to know how to love Him.

And I'm grateful that He still loves me, unworthy as I am, and that His love never fails.

The Porch Light is On For You

I sit and I pray, and ask the Lord for wisdom to write this piece. I know that there is a message I wish to deliver to you, my friends, on this Thanksgiving. I am aware that there are hundreds upon thousands of blogs on the Internet, and many people choose holidays to focus their writing on, well, the holidays, and what those holidays mean to them and their families. I don't seek to write to you in vain.

The topic that comes to mind on this day of thanksgiving is gratitude.

Obviously, the rest of the year, we have no trouble coming up with things to complain about in this world. We do a good job even on Thanksgiving of finding excuses to complain. But this is the one day a year, ah, the one season of the year, November through December and a bit of January, that people feel it necessary to think of things they are thankful for, to be generous with the blessings they have been given by our heavenly Father, whether they choose to believe in Him or not.

As I thought about gratitude, immediately into my mind flashed a passage from a book I read some time ago, called Uprising: A Revolution of the Soul, by Erwin McManus.
In this book, McManus calls believers, specifically Christians, to a greater fullness in Christ Jesus, to unleash a revival in our souls, to tap into the hunger that we all feel...and often seek to satisfy with things other than God.

On this journey of revolution, I discovered that God, our Father, created us and this world not for religious and moral obligation, but for our (and His!) pleasure and enjoyment. The Garden of Eden before the Fall was a place of pleasure, not of duty. We had instruction, yes, to take care of the land and to work, but even this was not to add responsibility, but to give purpose to man's time. God created woman, not to add to man's responsibility, but to enhance our enjoyment of living through a new facet of life: Relationship! Love! Expression!

When man fell, greed, lust, selfishness, all the negative things we associate with pleasures of this world, replaced generosity, replaced the wellspring with a black hole.

We all know, somewhere deep down, that we as a people are broken, in need of something more, and we see it in our justification of our greed, our sense of entitlement, our selfishness. In our quest for nobility, if we truly seek it, we will find that God is the ultimate expression of wholeness, and generosity pours out of His wholeness, the desire He has to do things for our good, to prosper and not to harm us, to save us, not to forsake us.

As God sent Jesus and his disciples through the earth, He intended to display generosity to us once again, as a physical expression we could understand, and intended to display his miracles through sacrifice (John 6:5-13), leading up to the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus on the cross.

I flip through the pages of this book, trying to find the passages that I thought of when I thought of gratitude several minutes ago, and lo and behold, I found several sentences underlined, as if I knew when I read them that I would be looking for them. God knew.

McManus writes:
"The dilemma in our pursuit for wholeness is that brokenness is often laced with ungratefulness. In fact I am convinced that perpetual brokenness is defined by a lack of gratitude...Whatever else we may need, whatever support systems might be helpful to us, whatever insights or truths may aid us in the journey, nothing will heal us if we are ungrateful. No truth, no matter how profound, will find its way into a heart that is absent of gratitude... Gratitude is the pathway of love." (p 114)

The book goes on to describe how this quest for nobility begins with gratitude, bringing us into a place of wholeness with knowledge of the glory of God, ultimately to allow us to pour out that glory in the form of generosity. It all begins with gratitude.

There is more I could write....so much more. But I will leave you with this: Don't let Thanksgiving be the only day that you give thanks for the blessings that God has given you. Don't let this season be the only time that you think of others around you, that you think to give thanks for the people God has placed in your life.

People ask sometimes, "If my focus is to be on serving others, how am I going to get my own needs met?"

In the midst of humbling ourselves and serving each other, truly giving of ourselves to each others' good, we are to cast our cares on the Lord (Psalms 55:22).

I personally find it difficult to do this, so don't think I am speaking from the judgment seat... but as the day draws near when we see Jesus face to face, I hope that we will embrace this call, together, to love justice and mercy, to stand in agreement with the Lord, instead of in opposition... and most of all, to be continually grateful, and to allow that to change our perspective on the world and on eternity.

*I am grateful for the light that Jesus Christ has brought into my life.
*I am grateful that, though the journey is not finished, there are places of darkness that I don't have to walk through anymore, and that I am learning to walk without fear through others.
*I am grateful for my family, both my church family and my birth family.
*I am grateful for all of those who have loved me despite myself, and who continue to love me, encourage me and help me grow.
*I am grateful for God's grace and the things He has provided me with in every difficult circumstance.
*I am grateful for people who choose to love, who choose to do what is right, despite their own judgments and pride rising up.
*I am grateful for revolutionaries.

Hydrogen generators, Do-it-yourself Auto Repairs, and more

These are just a hint of a couple of things I have been considering working on. The first link is an onboard hydrogen generator for a gasoline engine. Now, if you click on the link, at first read-through this appears to be sketchy, but, all shenanigans and gimmicks aside, I have seen designs of this to be in working condition, and at the price of the manual, which includes several CDs' worth of diagrams and instructional videos, it definitely gives any do-it-yourself engineer or backyard mechanic a place to start working on their own device.

This kind of design can begin an environmental movement among the do-it-yourself independent automotive technicians.

The second link is a website I found that, also for a relatively small price, gives an independent auto mechanic an excellent resource for diagnosing and repairing multiple vehicles problems affecting cars and trucks up to model year 2008. One would find wiring diagrams, code definitions, step-by-step instructions for removal and replacement of components, instructions for testing of components and sensors, locations of said components...

Coming from Universal Technical Institute, where we had access to programs such as ALLDATA and Mitchell Online, for the price (around $90 for a lifetime private membership), this is an excellent deal, especially considering that a private ALLDATA Online license may end up costing hundreds of dollars... worth it for a repair shop, but not usually for an independent, do-it-yourself tech.

Keep an eye out as I experiment with hydrogen generators, and click the links below to check out these products. I would recommend purchasing the hydrogen generator plans, just for the general knowledge of knowing how this technology works. The plans are relatively simple, and these devices can be put together inexpensively and without any nuclear material or voodoo magic. Many people have seen gas mileage increases of up to 50% and incredible decreases in exhaust emissions, especially hydrocarbons.

There are several companies perfecting this technology as we speak, and for those interested in being part of the green technology wave, with electric vehicles and other alternative fuels becoming more mainstream, this would be worthwhile to invest in.

Another website I found that has been very interesting is Fuel Efficient Vehicles.org

Follow these links to read about these online products and services:

-Power Your Car or Truck on Water by Building an On-board Hydrogen Generator

-Automotive Troubleshooting Secrets

Big City Nights

I have been living in Chicago for about 15 months, but it hasn't really been *Chicago* until now. A week ago I moved into what will probably be my home for a while, barring any abrupt changes in my life.
For the past year and a few months I've been living in the suburbs of Chicago, in a little place called Glendale Heights. There were lots of people there, but it definitely wasn't the city, as I've discovered in the past week.

I have been in my new house several times before I moved in, and have travelled around the area a bit since I started going to church down the street. But living here is much different, and there are several things I have noticed.

First, there is nowhere to park for extended periods of time. The times I found it most difficult is anytime after about 5 pm. If I come home late, like around 9 or 10 pm, forget finding a spot less than a block away from the house. My first night here I had to park about three blocks away and walk to the house at 3 am.

Second, the parking tickets are much more expensive than in St. Louis. Yesterday I discovered one of the city of Chicago's fine orange envelopes in my windshield wiper. $60.00 in the hole there.

Third, there are people. EVERYWHERE. I found out the hard way that there are certain times not to go to the grocery store...or anywhere for that matter. This should be fun. I don't mind large crowds...except when I am trying to get somewhere or spend time doing anything. Take more than 5 seconds picking out a carton of milk...you're done for.

*Sigh* At least my roommate works at Starbucks and I can get free coffee. That's not the only reason I like him though.

I am still unemployed, but being unemployed has offered me other opportunities, like building bunk beds, building shelves, cleaning EVERYTHING, breaking up concrete, digging holes, driving people around, and buying dressers at Salvation Army (and strapping said dressers down in the back of a pickup truck while being bombarded by hail and wind).

As for my other projects, I have not yet had a chance to do any work on my car. Currently I am looking for a cheap car to be my "experimental vehicle." Not sure where I will keep it, but that is what I have planned.

Keep an eye out for one of my photo/video entries. If I can find a camera, I will be taking pictures and/or video of me doing some maintenance on my car. I am overdue for an oil change, and while doing that I am probably going to be changing the transmission filter and pan gasket, and at some point will be doing a front and rear brake job.

The Beginning

This is the first time I have ever written a blog...my own little private place to write what I think and feel, what I like and don't like, all of the crazy ideas that go through this mind of mine... and all for the world to see! Wait, did I say private? Hmm...well, I guess the only way to start is to dive in.

This space was created to be a mixed bag (at least for the time being) of ideas and experiences, both original and found, depending on whatever the focus of my life happens to be at the moment. These topics may cover the technological advances of the world of tomorrow or issues of the state of our planet's environment. We may travel off to the magical world of music, and maybe we'll learn how to play a song or two together...

I may even delve into the area of my career focus over the past 14 months: automotive technology.
This might involve posting some video blogs dispelling some of the myths regarding the auto service industry, or helping you understand the inner workings of that mystical box under your hood, and reviewing firsthand the cool new technology that is in service on the road today.

Nextly, I am a Christian, that is, a follower of Jesus Christ.
Well, I just saw almost half my readership get up and walk quickly towards the door. But for the rest of you, if I'm in the mood, there may be topics of spirituality, of the things that I observe God doing in this world and in my own life.

That about sums it up for my first post. I hope that people (that's you!) will enjoy my little project. Keep stopping by and checking it out... if you don't see something you like one time, the next time it might be something completely different.
And of course, while I don't cater to demands, I certainly won't hesitate to research and post on things that you would like to know about.

As for you, America: Thank you and Good Night.

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